3.2.6

Content warnings: child abuse, transphobia, patricide/matricide, descriptions of people burning to death, panic attacks, car accident, drowning (detail below; skip if you prefer surprises)

• Depictions of child abuse in a flashback, with implied transphobia

• A teenager burns her parents to death and relishes their emotional reactions as they die.

• A character fantasizes about killing their father via electrical shock and pushing him off a building.

• Depictions of a panic attack from the perspective of a bystander.

• Descriptions of a car accident and the sensation of drowning in a flashback

~.~

It was dark out when Morgan, Juli, and Joshua arrived in Córdoba, Spain. The air was clear and chilly, with only the slightest hint of humidity—and while that would make it harder for Morgan to summon a storm, it also meant the air would resist a little less. Something worth noting in case The Necromancer decided to show his ugly mug.

From what Morgan could tell, the three of them were standing in a plaza of sorts, fenced in by four plaster and stone buildings. At the center of the plaza stood a pillar—no, it was a fountain, actually, with four winged statues dumping water into the pillar’s base. It probably would’ve been prettier to look at without darkness obscuring the details.

Juli breezed right past the fountain, leading the group through a large stone gate at the far end of the plaza. The gate was one of these ancient Roman type structures—a block of stone with a door carved in the middle, flanked by two pillars on either side. There was an inscription carved above the doorway, but it was too dark to read it. The gate opened up onto a long stone bridge spanning the length of what Morgan assumed to be a river, though it was impossible to parse the inky darkness below.

They were halfway across the bridge when Juli finally tried to strike up a conversation.

“So, why’d you want to save Minerva so bad, anyway?” Juli asked, peering at Morgan.

“She’s… cool,” Morgan said hesitantly.

“Okay, and?” Juli pressed. “Like, there’s gotta be more to it than that.”

Morgan frowned. In Dimension X, Minerva had saved Morgan’s life multiple times, and Morgan definitely admired Minerva’s raw power—but Morgan’s real reason for wanting to help Minerva traced back to something far before Dimension X.

So… just know that you’re safe here. That’s all.

Those were the words Minerva had offered when she had talked Morgan down from a bad nightmare in the week before the mafia tournament. The two had been complete strangers at the time, and Minerva had still reached out with fierce compassion, and Morgan just couldn’t let that go.

But like hell was Morgan going to tell Juli that.

“It’s none of your business,” Morgan grumbled.

“Okay, good talk.” Juli made a face. “Since Morgan doesn’t want to chat—Pigeon Man, how’s it goin’ over there?”

“Fine,” Joshua ground out.

“And…?” Juli prompted. There was a pregnant pause as Juli waited for Joshua to respond—but even after they finished crossing the bridge, Joshua continued to ignore Juli. Juli groaned.

“You people are so boring!” Juli complained. “Walkin’ around in complete silence—I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss Peter!”

“I’m not boring,” Morgan said sourly. “I just didn’t want to talk about that!”

“Then what do you want to talk about?” Juli prodded. He led the trio down a side street that snaked between white plaster buildings with checkered balconies and barred windows.

“I don’t know!” Morgan huffed. “Just—not that!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll ask you about your favorite color next time,” Juli said dismissively, crouching next to a parked car. “For now, though—we ready?”

Juli looked to Joshua and Morgan for confirmation, using one hand to brace himself against the car. Joshua just rolled his eyes and turned away. After a brief pause, Morgan nodded her assent.

She wasn’t sure what kind of life Minerva had lived, but given how Kai’s memories were, what was the worst that could happen?

~.~

Minerva’s childhood home looked the same as when she’d left it behind: same cold stone walls, same drafty arched windows, same stupid creaky door. It was just a building—an emotionless structure, unable to truly bear witness to what happened within—and yet the mere sight of it was enough to send a pulse of hot anger through Minerva’s veins. She hated this place, and when she had been thrown out so long ago, she had vowed never to return.

But even as she began her life anew at the Temple of Karai, her thoughts always came back to this house, as if unable to leave behind the clothes she was forced to wear and the philosophy she was forced to learn and the meals she was not allowed to have whenever she failed to perform the role of a respectable young man from a respectable family. She had been grabbed by her hair and tossed out the front door and still she was a prisoner of this place and the memories it held.

That would end tonight.

Minerva’s hands were alight as she approached her parents’ house—and the flames at her fingertips were neither rational nor intentional, fueled instead by feverish emotions that threatened to engulf her whole. It felt like the cool kiss of the night air on her skin was the only thing keeping her from exploding.

When Minerva closed her eyes, she could still clearly see her dad’s splotchy red cheeks as he yelled for hours on end, furious about the fact that his only son dared to act outside the lines of Roman masculinity. She could still feel the guilt and dread pooling in her gut as his words grew more slurred, more agitated, and then inevitably his fist would make contact with her cheekbone or her ear or her chest as her useless mother stood in the corner and watched—

Don’t hold back, Minerva’s soul splinter hissed. He deserves this. Both of them do.

Minerva ground her teeth together. Her soul splinter was right.

She dialed her anger back to a simmer as she surveyed the building. The glint of light in her eyes allowed her to confirm the presence of her targets inside the house—two faint life signatures, silhouetted in brilliant hot pink as they lay asleep in bed. If Minerva had been able to see their faces, perhaps she would have remarked on how peaceful and innocent they looked. The thought made her sick with rage once more.

You know they are not innocent, Minerva’s soul splinter growled. They do not deserve peace.

Minerva exhaled slowly. Her soul splinter was right again—no matter how gentle her parents looked, they were both irredeemable monsters. She knelt down, rummaging through the gravel until her fingers settled on a small stone, about the size of her palm. This would do.

Minerva conducted one last survey of the outside of the house, making sure she’d noted every window and door—and then, with a snap of her fingers, she conjured translucent pink shields over all except the single window in front of her. The stone in her hand felt heavy with purpose, now, but Minerva’s anger gave her inertia, and without even a moment’s hesitation, she chucked the stone through the window, aiming for the kettle in the hearth. The resulting clatter was enough to wake even the soundest sleeper.

Good. Minerva wanted her targets awake for this next part.

With a smirk, she sealed over the last open window and took a step back. The next bit would be difficult, because even with pyrokinesis, there was not much Minerva could do to this building. Stone was not flammable, after all. Still, Minerva set her fingers aflame, drawing upon a mixture of pink soul energy and normal fire, and knelt near the base of the stone building.

It was true that normal flames could not set rock alight, but what about this?

Minerva touched two fingers to the wall. At first, nothing happened, but then pink flames flared wildly—a manifestation of Minerva’s unyielding will—and even stone could not hold up against such strong emotional force. The pink soul fire burrowed into the stone, giving the regular flames space to take root and grow, and like a chain reaction, the unholy inferno leapt from stone to stone, gleefully consuming everything in its path.

“Enjoy the fire, dad,” Minerva hissed.

As she rose to her feet, she caught a brief view through the window. The inhabitants of the house had yet to realize the gravity of the situation, but panic was already starting to set in as the temperature rose and smoke curled around their feet—and it would only get worse from here.

Minerva levitated onto the roof of the next house over and continued to watch, a cruel smirk on her face, as her childhood home burned. Whenever the fire began to fade, Minerva fed the flames with her rage, urging them to dance into unexplored terrain. The smoke was thicker than fog, now, and that would likely be enough to kill her parents—but that kind of death was too easy.

It wasn’t what they deserved.

Minerva extended a hand, weaving the tongues of flame around her fingers, willing them to leap across the floor and climb stray pieces of fabric in search of living flesh. Under her command, fire wrapped around her parents’ limbs, eating through skin with unnatural voracity, and though their lungs were too full of smoke for them to scream, the feeling of their bodies crumbling to dust under her touch was satisfying enough.

Still, Minerva didn’t stop until the house—and all its contents—had been reduced to ash.

~.~

Morgan had thought about it many times—what it would feel like to finally kill her father. On the hardest days, when he withheld one too many meals or forced her to attend one too many negotiations or ordered one too many lashes upon her back, she pictured him standing atop a skyscraper, surrounded by nothing but open sky—sky that could easily turn hostile under Morgan’s command, and while it was tempting to unload a whole round of bullets into his chest, it always felt much more gratifying to test just how much lightning he could tolerate before tossing him off the edge and watching him fall to the pavement below.

Minerva’s memory made those daydreams seem infantile in comparison.

It was one thing to imagine grinding her father to a pulp; it was quite another to actually feel her abuser’s body disintegrate in her hands, a victim of sheer willpower alone. Any normal person would be horrified by Minerva’s sadistic pleasure—but Morgan actually understood it, and that came with its own guilt, because being able to enjoy murder, even just a little bit, made her feel too much like her father.

And maybe she was a monster like him, considering how often she dreamed of ending his life.

Morgan was snapped out of their thoughts by two consecutive flashes of orange. A quick look around told Morgan that Juli and Joshua were gone—and they’d left without saying anything. Morgan activated their own teleportation crystal with a scowl. It was rude of the pair to leave, but she had a sinking feeling that their departure was motivated by more than just impatience.

~.~

The crystal ball didn’t give a clear view of faces, but in this case, it didn’t need to. The way Joshua had stiffened and Juli had stumbled back and then both of them had teleported out without a word—that spoke for itself.

Joel was already halfway to standing when Joshua sprinted past the planning room, too fast for the human eye to see, and that just sent Joel’s heart rate skyrocketing because he had never seen Joshua like this. Joel wanted to go after him—he needed to—but dread kept him rooted to the spot.

“Joel,” Karyme said softly. “What’s holding you back?”

“I—” Joel gulped. There were already tears in his eyes. “I’ve never seen him like that. I want to help, but I—what would I even say? And I know he doesn’t want me to see him like that, so what if I—”

“Joel,” Karyme repeated, placing a gentle hand on his arm. “No one’s pressuring you to go speak with him. You can wait here, or one of us can come with you—or we can talk you through how to approach this on your own. Which would you like?”

Joel took a deep breath to calm his nerves a little. His heart was hammering against his ribcage, and his hands, clenched into fists, were still shaking, and the mere thought of talking to Joshua alone made all of that worse—but Joshua needed him.

“I want to go alone,” Joel said firmly, jaw set in determination. “He’s always keeping me safe, but I-I want to help him, too.”

Juli chose that moment to storm past the planning room in a blaze of baby pink flames. Rae let out a resigned sigh as he watched them go, a hint of concern in his eyes.

“They don’t look freaked out,” Karyme said with a frown.

“No,” Rae said grimly. “Just frustrated and angry—which, given how our training session went last night, was about what I expected.”

“Are you going to go talk to them?” Joel asked.

“In a minute,” Rae replied, gaze flicking up to meet Joel’s. “You’re the higher priority right now.”

“Oh.” Joel swallowed. He was used to Joshua prioritizing his needs, but it felt weird to be treated that way by anyone else.

“Okay, let’s start simple,” Karyme said with a patient smile. “You want to help Joshua, but you don’t know what to say, because you’ve never seen a panic attack before.”

Joel nodded. He hadn’t even recognized Joshua’s current condition as a panic attack.

“Your goal is to help ground him,” Rae explained. “So to that end. Step one: keep your voice low and slow, and narrate everything you do. Step two: walk him through something repetitive and simple, like deep breathing or counting. You can switch to harder stuff as you go. And then step three: show him you care. Make sense?”

“Y-yeah,” Joel said shakily. “Yeah. Slow, gentle, repetitive. I can do that.”

“I trust you, but I am still going to need a promise from you,” Karyme said sternly. She looked Joel directly in the eye, her gaze intense enough to paralyze. “Joel Tenine. If you find yourself struggling, you will ask me for help. Understood?”

If it had been anyone else, Joel would have felt belittled, but he recognized Karyme’s statement for what it was—a chance to try on his own, paired with the promise of support if he needed it. And honestly, the thought of facing Joshua was still leaving him trembling and weak in the knees, so it was nice to have backup.

“I promise,” Joel said with a firm nod. “And—thank you. For talking me through this, I mean.”

“Don’t mention it,” Rae said dismissively. He rose to his feet with a groan. “All right. Joel, if you need me, I’ll be in the training rooms with Juli. Karyme, let me know if Peter survives his deep sea adventure.”

“Sure thing,” Karyme sighed, glaring at the crystal ball before her. “Good luck, you two.”

In a flash of orange, Rae disappeared—and honestly, Joel would have teleported straight to Joshua, too, but he didn’t want to just show up in Joshua’s personal space without knocking, and he didn’t know for sure where Joshua was.

Joel decided to check Joshua’s room first. He kept his pace at a speedwalk as he made his way over, replaying Rae’s instructions on loop in his head, and he was so distracted that he almost tripped as he turned the corner—which was mostly Kai’s fault for sitting in the middle of the hallway.

The immortal was leaning against the wall, eyes closed, but it didn’t look like he was asleep. His broken leg was splayed out to the side, and he was using his only arm to hug his other leg to his chest, and as Joel noted the tension in Kai’s muscles and the guilt on his face, a question burned at the back of his throat—one he knew he shouldn’t ask.

“Minerva’s trauma is not forbidden fruit, you know,” Kai noted, opening one eye. “But if you think the context will be helpful, I can tell you what Joshua saw.”

Joel swallowed. He didn’t really need to know, but he also couldn’t stand seeing his brother in pain and not knowing why.

“Minerva’s parents were abusive,” Kai said, his voice eerily calm. “As a teenager, she murdered them in the most excruciating way possible—she burned them alive. It was premeditated.”

Joel inhaled sharply. As far as Joel knew, Joshua hadn’t planned to murder their father—not like what Kai was describing—but Joel had only been seven at the time, so he couldn’t really remember. And judging from the years of guilt sewn into each and every one of Joshua’s strained smiles, the distinction probably didn’t matter—that moment still haunted Joshua like a wraith.

Joel swallowed. Now that he knew why Joshua was so upset, it felt even more like he was about to walk into a minefield—like he’d step on a bomb and cause an explosion that hurt both of them.

“If you think he’s going to get upset when you walk in there, you’re right.”

Joel stiffened. Having Kai answer his questions before he asked them was unsettling enough, but that particular statement felt like a slap to the face.

“He’ll hate that you’re seeing his moment of weakness,” Kai continued, ignoring Joel’s discomfort. “And he’ll hate that the person he has been trying to protect has to come to his rescue.”

“So I shouldn’t talk to him?” Joel said in a small voice.

“No.” Kai turned to Joel, and though he was unsmiling, his gaze was gentle and warm. “Though his knee-jerk reaction will be hate, he will quickly realize why you came—and your love for him will mean more than you could possibly know.”

“How do you know that?” Joel blurted. He had no reason to trust Kai—someone he knew only through stories from Joshua and encyclopedia articles on Silpa’s laptop.

“Because,” Kai said quietly, his smile bittersweet. “I practically raised Ven, and that is how I feel when he helps me.”

A crashing sound echoed down the hallway—the sound of something getting kicked down, maybe—and Joel ran off before Kai could say more. He didn’t stop until he reached the door to Joshua’s room. As Joel fought to even out his breathing, he thought he heard something through the door that could be crying, or hyperventilating, or both—and that made it harder for Joel to stay calm, but he managed to get one word out.

“Joshua?”

As soon as the word left his mouth, all sounds came to an abrupt stop, as if Joshua’s panic had suddenly ceased, and that just made Joel feel worse, because his mere presence was forcing Joshua to suppress his pain, and—

And your love for him will mean more than you could possibly know.

Joel took a deep breath, allowing Kai’s words to fill him with courage.

“I’m going to come in now,” Joel called, nudging the door open as gently as possible. He entered the room on the count of three.

It was dark, illuminated only by the ambient green glow of the floor. Joshua was sitting at the foot of the bed, curled up in a ball, clearly hyperventilating. He’d thrown his glasses to the side at some point, allowing him to bury his face in his knees, and he was trying to suppress uneven sobs. The sight of Joshua like this—trembling, stiff, crying—felt like a shot to the heart, and for a second, Joel couldn’t breathe.

But Joshua needed him.

“J-Josh, I’m just going to sit down, okay?” Joel said slowly, lowering himself to the ground a few feet in front of Joshua. “And, um. Can you—let’s b-breathe together, okay? I’ll count us off.”

There was no indication from Joshua that he’d heard Joel. That was… not reassuring, but Joel forced himself to take a deep breath.

“A-all right,” Joel said shakily. “Just breathe in, then breathe out. In, out. In, out.”

As Joel walked the two of them through cycles of deep breathing, he found his nerves settling just a little bit, which allowed him to project more of a calm, steady aura—and that seemed to help Joshua, too. The first few cycles were rough, shaky, but as time progressed, Joshua’s breaths became less labored, less desperate.

His face was still buried in his knees, his posture rigid, but his breathing was better, and his wings had unfurled just a bit. Joel considered asking Joshua to count next—but then he was hit by a better idea.

“Okay. Okay, that’s good,” Joel said smoothly, his voice steadier than his heart. “Now, um. Keep breathing like that, but I’m going to ask you some easy questions, a-and I want you to try to answer them.”

Again, Joshua gave no response, but he continued to take slow, deep breaths, and that was good enough for Joel.

“We’ll start easy,” Joel said slowly. “What’s two times two?”

“...Four.” Joshua’s voice was hoarse, weak, muffled by clothing—but it was there. Joel tried to ignore the tears of relief in his eyes, focusing instead on stringing numbers together.

“Three times two.”

“Six.”

“Five times six.”

“Thirty.”

“Six times seven.”

“Forty-two.”

With each question, tension seemed to drain from Joshua’s shoulders ever so slightly, and he started to uncurl. He was still hiding his face, but his wings were more relaxed, his breathing steadier, his voice stronger.

“Eleven times twelve.”

“One hundred thirty-two.”

“Nine squared.”

“Eighty-one.”

“Eight times nine.”

“Seventy-two.”

“Thr—wait. I thought it was seventy-six.” Joel frowned. “Are you testing me?”

“No.” Joshua huffed out a laugh. “Are you testing me?”

Joshua lifted his head slowly, allowing Joel to see his face for the first time. His eyes were red and swollen, his cheeks flushed, and the despair in his gaze was so painfully alien to Joel—but the mix of disbelief and bemusement in his tone was something familiar for Joel to latch onto. And maybe Joshua wasn’t fully calm, yet, but he had laughed, and Joel couldn’t hold back the complex jumble of feelings in his chest any longer.

Joel threw himself at Joshua with a sob.

Joshua was clearly taken off guard, but his wings shifted out of Joel’s way almost instinctively, and when he wrapped his arms around Joel and Joel wedged his head into the space under Joshua’s chin, it was the most natural thing in the world.

Joel buried his face into Joshua’s shoulder, clinging to Joshua as tightly as he could, and Joshua reciprocated with a grip was just as tight, just as desperate, and for a while, the two of them just sat there like that, with Joel sobbing into Joshua’s shirt and Joshua trying not to cry into Joel’s hair.

Joshua waited until Joel’s sobs had faded before breaking the silence.

“Joel,” he said hoarsely. “Why are you here?”

“Because I love you,” Joel whimpered. “And—and I was worried about you, and you looked like you were hurting, and I couldn’t let you hurt alone.”

“Oh.” Joshua’s reply was strained, and for a second, Joel was tempted to leave it at that.

It would be easier for Joel to pretend that he didn’t know why Minerva’s memory had set Joshua off—but the thought of walking around with one of Joshua’s insecurities in his back pocket left a strange sort of guilt in the back of his throat.

“Kai told me what you saw,” Joel croaked. Tension flooded Joshua’s body, and Joel immediately felt guilty for mentioning it. He’d stepped on a mine, and he was at a loss as to how to fix it—until Rae’s advice rang in his head.

Show him you care.

“What you saw today, and what it reminded you of—none of that prevents you from being my hero, you know,” Joel said quietly, resting his head against Joshua’s chest. “A-and you are a hero.”

Sitting this way made it easy to hear Joshua’s sharp inhale and the staccato beat of his heart. Tears began to prick the corners of Joel’s eyes again, but he managed to get the words out around the lump in his throat.

“I know y-you don’t see it, but you keep me safe, and save money to surprise me with Christmas gifts, and help me with my math homework, and—”

“You don’t have to thank me for that,” Joshua choked out. He was completely rigid, now, and his hands were shaking, and Joel couldn’t really see Joshua’s face, but he could hear the tears in Joshua’s voice.

“I’m not thanking you,” Joel said wetly. “Those things just—they matter, and—they make you my hero. You’re my home, Josh.”

Joel was crying by the time he finished, though he didn’t know why. Maybe it was just two weeks of stress finally catching up with him—he had been so focused on keeping morale up and supporting the others that he hadn’t really let himself feel.

“S-sorry,” Joel sniffled. “I shouldn’t b-be crying. I c-came to comfort you.”

“It’s fine,” Joshua said thickly. “You—you helped.”

“O-oh. That’s good,” Joel said shakily. His glasses were kind of a teary mess, now, but he didn’t want to pull away from Joshua to wipe them. “I know you don’t like hugs, but—is it—”

“Stay,” Joshua said softly, pulling Joel a little tighter. “Until you’re ready to go.”

~.~

When Rae got to the training room, it was already a mess. All of the machines were off, so the room was just a square-shaped sand pit, more or less—except the sand was an uneven mix of molten liquid and chunks of opaque glass. Scorch marks peppered the walls, some larger than others, and the source of those scorch marks was currently slinging fireballs at the far wall in quick succession.

It didn’t look like Juli was trying to test their accuracy, or speed, or control—it looked like they were trying to prove a point.

“Hey!” Rae called, approaching Juli with some measure of caution. Luckily, Juli was aware enough to turn the heat down as Rae got closer, and by the time he was within arms length, they’d extinguished their flames entirely.

“Hey,” Juli said miserably. “Funny seeing you here.”

“Funny that you’d come here to calm down,” Rae shot back, arms crossed.

“I don’t need to calm down—I’m plenty calm,” Juli said gloomily. They kicked the ground, disrupting a chunk of green glass. “Pigeon Man’s the one having a panic attack, not me.”

“But what you saw in Minerva’s memory still freaked you out,” Rae pressed.

“It—it did. I’m not gonna lie about that, because I know you saw through the crystal ball or whatever,” Juli said darkly. “But I’m not freaked out anymore, so you can go back to helping the other team.”

“And leave you to mope?” Rae asked. “What kind of friend would I be if I did that?”

“I’m not moping!” Juli protested, taking an angry step towards Rae. “I’m just—just—”

“Throwing fire at the wall and hoping for the best?” Rae challenged, raising an eyebrow. Xe tilted xyr head towards the scorch marks on the opposing wall, and the defiance drained from Juli entirely.

“Maybe I’m moping a little,” Juli muttered. “I’m just—I’m frustrated. I hate that Minerva’s memory made me freak out.”

“What did you see?” Rae asked. He took a seat on the ground, then patted the area next to him, inviting Juli to join. Juli plopped down next to Rae with a sigh.

“She torched her parents to death,” Juli said glumly. “Just set fire to their house and watched ‘em burn. And it’s like—of course watching someone gleefully commit murder is sick and twisted, but I’ve seen so much of that shit in the mafia. That’s not what bothered me.”

“It was the fire,” Rae said quietly.

“Yeah,” Juli mumbled, hugging his knees to his chest. “It was the fucking fire. And, like, maybe if this had been the first time fire freaked me out, I would’ve been fine with it, but it’s not the first time. The same thing happened when I watched Haku’s village burn to the ground, and it was the same story again when I lived through Haku’s first death—the fire burning them from the inside out. It’s a fucking pattern, and I hate that fire causes me to panic now!”

As Juli spoke, their voice grew louder, their tone more frustrated and raw, and by the time they were done, their grip on their knees was tight enough to turn their fingers white. Rae sighed.

“It’s natural for you to be afraid,” Rae replied, xyr voice low and even. “After what happened to you in that final battle in Dimension X—anyone would be scared in your place.”

“But I’m not just anyone!” Juli snapped. When they turned to Rae, their gaze was wild, frantic, desperate. “I’ve been slinging flames most of my damn life, and a little scare like that shouldn’t—”

“Juli, you died,” Rae said forcefully. “I know that in the mafia you got fatal wounds more than once, and you were able to easily bounce back, but this isn’t—you were dead. Your body was gone, and Mateen and Haku had to will the memory of you back into existence to bring you back! You really think something like that wouldn’t leave a scar?”

“I—” Juli’s voice sank to a horrified whisper. “I never thought of it that way.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Rae muttered, shaking his head. “But hey, you asked me to be the brains behind our little duo, so I figured I’d do some of the thinking for you.”

“Wow, thanks,” Juli said sarcastically. “You’re a true hero.”

“You said it, not me,” Rae teased. He expected some sort of glare or side-eye, but Juli kept their gaze trained on the ground, the half-hearted smile on their face the only indication that they’d heard him.

“I really am thankful that you’re here,” Juli said quietly. “And I know that you’re right, but it just—it makes me feel stupid, you know? Like I’m afraid of my own shadow.”

The cocktail of frustration and bitter hopelessness in Juli’s eyes struck far too close to home. It was like Rae was looking in a mirror and sixteen year old Rae was on the other side, looking just as lost and angry as he remembered. That, more than anything, drew the words out of Rae’s mouth.

“Juli, do you want to know what my stupid fear is?” Rae asked. “It’s water.”

“What?” Juli looked at Rae out of the corner of their eye. “Can ya not swim or somethin’?”

“No, I can swim just fine. Learned when I was a kid,” Rae replied, shaking xyr head. “But I’m still too afraid to try. Do you want to know why?”

Juli gave Rae a silent nod, eyes full of curiosity, and Rae did xyr best to swallow xyr anxiety. As casually as possible, he planted his hands behind him and leaned back, allowing his gaze to travel upward and away from Juli. Rae had only told one other person about this side of him, and he didn’t think he’d make it if he had to face Juli the whole way through.

“My parents—you know they’re dead, right?” xe said evenly. “The shared dreams must have told you that much.”

“Yeah,” Juli said slowly. “But they were dead even from that first dream, so I always figured that they’d been dead for a while, or—” Juli gulped. “They didn’t die of natural causes, did they.”

“No, they didn’t,” Rae said grimly. “Ten years ago, my dad was driving the three of us home from church, and the Soul Stealers telekinetically tossed our car into the middle of a lake. There were no witnesses, the doors were magically sealed shut, and the car was miles from shore. Naturally, my parents didn’t—”

Rae’s voice caught in xyr throat. It shouldn’t have been hard to talk about—it was so long ago—but Rae’s chest still hurt at the memory, almost like his lungs were filled with water once again.

It had been so sudden. There had been that single second of calm when the car had been suspended in the air, free from the restraints of physics—and then the car had slammed into the water, and Rae’s seatbelt had squeezed all of the air and sense out of him. The impact had sent Rae’s mom flying into the dashboard, and she was dead before Rae had even managed to extricate himself from his seatbelt. Rae had wasted another minute on the doors and windows, but as the hopelessness set in, Rae had turned instead to his father for guidance. His dad had given him one last look—a mix of regret, pain, horror—and then he, too, was gone, leaving Rae to wait for the specter of certain death.

“Lawyer man,” Juli said quietly. “How are you alive?”

“I don’t know,” Rae replied, closing xyr eyes. “One minute I was breathing in water instead of air, and the next thing I can remember is waking up in the hospital with a brand new superpower. For the longest time, I just assumed my power appeared while I was asleep, and that’s what saved me, so I wasn’t really mad at The Ennead—but Peter’s latest stunt made me realize something.”

“Peter’s latest stunt,” Juli said slowly. “What the hell did he do now?”

“Oh, nothing big,” Rae said airily, glancing at Juli. “He’s just, you know, swimming to the bottom of the ocean without any diving gear in pursuit of Haku’s final soul fragment, and because he shattered the crystal that was letting Karyme keep an eye on him, we don’t even know if he’s still alive.”

“WHAT?” Juli yelped. “Oh, god, I leave him alone for one goddamn minute and he—what was he thinking?”

“We have no way to know, because we can’t reach him anymore, but Karyme thinks he’s relying on Haku’s tertiary power to keep him alive,” Rae explained. “According to Karyme, Haku can theoretically prevent drowning if they continually manifest the memory of oxygenated air into your lungs. That keeps the body happy, so you’ll still survive, even if you’re trapped underwater in a sealed car for hours on end, waiting for an ambulance to arrive.”

Juli inhaled sharply. “You think Haku saved you from drowning when your parents died. Ridwan’s power landed with you while you were under, and that let Haku find you, and—Felix told me the Ennead were keeping us safe from day one, so it’s totally possible.”

“Right,” Rae agreed. “Which was completely unrelated to the original point of my story, so let’s circle back to near-death experiences and fear. You say you feel like you’re afraid of your own shadow now, but…”

Rae sighed. “After I got out of the hospital, I couldn’t even drink a glass of water without a panic attack. Every time I tried, it was just this visceral fear that the water would go the wrong way. It was—it was frustrating and stupid.”

“Oh,” Juli said gloomily. “That’s—that shit sucks. But…” They frowned. “I saw you drink a glass of water just this morning.”

“And that’s my point,” Rae said firmly, nudging Juli’s shoulder. “It took a while, but now I can wash dishes and take baths and go to aquariums and watch other people swim without any problems. The only thing I can’t do is take a swim myself—but it looks like Peter is doing enough of that for the both of us.”

“How long will it take for me to get there?” Juli said miserably. “I can’t exactly afford to dawdle, y’know. I can’t use my powers if I’m afraid of them.”

“It’s funny that you say that, actually,” Rae said wryly. “Because you haven’t shown any fear of your powers so far. When Sniper attacked, you were easily melting bullets, and you summoned enough flame to make a dagger without batting an eye. And I don’t think you would have been able to scorch this training room so thoroughly if you were afraid of your flames.”

Juli’s expression morphed into a contemplative frown as they summoned pink flames to their fingers without even the slightest hesitation, then extinguished them.

“You know what I think?” Rae asked. He poked Juli in the chest. “I think that you’re not actually afraid of fire as a concept—you’re afraid of being burned. But your flames can’t burn you, so your fear doesn’t get in the way of your powers.”

“Oh,” Juli said in a small voice. They conjured a ball of pink flame in their right hand. “You’re—you’re right. This doesn’t scare me.”

“A fear like that—it’ll still hurt,” Rae continued. “But it’s not debilitating. We just need to keep you out of burning buildings while you heal.”

“Or away from visions of burning alive,” Juli said sullenly, fiddling with the pink bracelet on his wrist. “Which should be super easy, since Minerva can control fire.”

“Well, Kai might be able to help with that,” Rae pointed out. “I doubt he knows exactly what each of Minerva’s soul fragment represents, but you should still ask him.”

“Another one of your trademark good ideas, I see,” Juli teased, a glint in their eye. The jab brought a smile to Rae’s face.

“You know it,” he said lightly. “Only the best for you.”

“I see. That reveals quite the tragedy, then,” Juli said gravely, rising to their feet.

“Does it now?” Rae asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Juli said solemnly. “The tragedy being that your skills with a knife aren’t nearly as sharp as your wit—and one of those is way more useful.”

Rae tried his best to look insulted, but when his failure of a glare met Juli’s equally horrific attempt at a poker face, both of them burst into laughter—and it was nice to share a genuine moment of happiness with a friend, even if it didn’t last long.

“Come on,” Juli said with a grin, extending their hand towards Rae. “Let’s go see how Peter’s doing.”

“All right.” Rae took Juli’s hand with a smile. “Sounds good to me.”

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